Slowly Turning the Corner

Good morning, everyone. I was going to wait until this evening to write, but got worried I'd tire out and not get it done. It's been a long, slow week recovering from the chemo this time. Yesterday and so far today have been better, but I'm usually pretty much back to my normal self by now, but am still feeling the effects. I guess it's a result of adding the third chemo drug. It's been pretty much like the first two times. A crampy belly was added to a nauseous stomach, the bad taste in my mouth is taking forever to go away, and I'm getting terrible hot flashes. I've been told the chemo will make me go through menopause, so I'm assuming that's what the hot flashes are. They're awful! It's like someone takes my internal thermostat and cranks it up ten degrees! One good thing about being bald; I just tear off my hat or wig and that provides some instant relief. :>)

The only other new thing is being unusually teary. About nothing really in particular except for feeling sorry for myself. This isn't my normal personality and I think it may be a result of my blood counts being low and my energy being sapped.

This is where I stop complaining and get to what I really wanted to write. I can't even begin to describe to everyone how much your notes on the blog or emails or cards in the mail or just knowing people are thinking of me helps. People tell me I'm strong and brave, but I'm really not. It's all of you and my family that give me strength and help me to feel brave when the worries and doubts and self pity start creeping in. Your words of support and love and encouragement mean more than I could ever express. I reread things all the time when I need a pick me up. I still haven't made my way through my blessing jar. I save it for when I'm really feeling down and it always picks me up. Every time I read each of your notes, I want to respond personally to you and tell you how much your words mean. I'm sorry I can't do that and hope that in some small way this blog lets you know how much I appreciate and thrive on your words and the sentiments behind them.

The meals people have been bringing over have been awesome! The Francom's dropped dinner over two nights ago and Joey was leaping around the kitchen. "I love getting all this food!" he yelled. My family has never made much secret of what they think of my cooking abilities and think at least one benefit from this whole ordeal has been the culinary windfall for them! :>) "And, Mom, do you notice, not one person has brought over meatloaf?" Now, I personally think I make a pretty mean meatloaf. Really, Texas Roadhouse where Janaya works just recently started serving meatloaf and I think it's my recipe! It's one of my favorite meals. But, everytime I cook it I have to make all their favorite side dishes in order to get them to stop moaning and groaning. So, thank you to everyone who has brought over food. It is very greatly appreciated!

I'm pretty sure the Francom's read my blog and I wanted to take a minute and write a personal message to Desiree. Desiree was in my class this year. Her dad teaches at Gilbert El. and her mom and I went to school together. They brought dinner over this week. I was still feeling pretty under the weather and the dog was very interested in what they had brought (almost as interested as Joey!) so I was a bit distracted. Desiree hand made me a beautiful blanket and pillow and I just took them from her and put them down without really looking at them until after she left. Desiree - I love them! The love and care you put into them is so evident. I will use them often and think of you and know you're thinking of me every time I do. Thank you!

I'm off today to get a pedicure. Everything else about me screams cancer patient right now, so I thought it might help if I can look down and see pretty toenails. Then, this afternoon I plan on finishing up wrapping presents. My principal, Sheila, is bringing Christmas Eve dinner over from the school. I can't wait to see her. I've been up to school twice since I officially left, but didn't have the opportunity to see her either time.

I want to end with something that conveys my feelings for all of you, but I've never been very good at sentimental things. Please know I love all of you and hold you all close in my heart. May your day tomorrow be filled with love and joy and many happy family memories.

Till next time,
Love you all tons!
Martha