Hi, everyone. This is not an update, just a note. I've tried to not only use this blog as a way to keep everyone updated, but also as a journal of my experiences. One of the hardest parts of each day is facing the mirror each morning. One of the things I worried about from the beginning was looking like a cancer patient. I thought that meant losing my hair. Now when I look back at the first picture I posted of myself bald, I see that I didn't look sickly at all; just like a healthy person who had shaved their head. Since that time, all of my hair has fallen out, not only on my head but on every other body part as well, including my eyebrows and eyelashes. Some hair has begun to grow back on my head on this new chemo, but it is very thin and white. It varies from about an eighth of an inch to a half inch. I have to turn my head this way and that to really see it in the mirror. It reminds me of an elderly woman's hair - you know where you can see all of her scalp through it? :>) Eyelashes serve to protect our eyes. Without them my eyes water all the time. My eyelids are puffy and red from wiping at them all the time. Nose hair also serves a purpose and without it my nose runs all the time. The inside of my nose is so irritated that I have a bloody nose every morning. The skin on my face has big brown blotches all over it now. The chemo has made my finger and toenails dry and brittle. Half of my big toenails have come off. I was fairly thin to start with and because the chemo has increased my metabolism I've lost over ten pounds. I'm as thin as I was when Joe and I first dated. No poochy tummy or floppy skin under my upper arms. You'd think I'd be happy about this, but I miss my 47 year old body.
So, each day when I get cleaned up and look in the mirror, I ask myself, "Who is that woman?!" Even with foundation over the brown blotches and my wig on, I don't look anything like the old me to me. Joe tells me I'm beautiful which really proves that beauty is in the eye of the beholder! :>) Have I told you how awesome he is?
Anyway, I've got everything on my body that can be crossed, crossed hoping that I get to have four more weeks of chemo before going to surgery. I just keep reminding myself that all of the bodily changes are signs that the chemo is at work and look forward to the day when I'm done with it; to the day when I look in the mirror and say, "Oh! There you are! I missed you!"
Lots of love to everyone!